Update from Shawn

So I've been asked a lot how I'm feeling and I'm not sure if I can really say how I'm feeling. When I went to the lab I picked up the lab order form for Monday and under the diagnosis, it was written "neuroendocrine tumor". I don't know what it is but every time I see that, it hits really hard and leaves me a little frazzled. There's definite frustration in knowing that almost always, these tumors are malignant so after surgery, I'll have to follow the medical protocol for cancerous tumors which is less than fun. However, at this point the thought of chemotherapy is a good one because at least I'll be getting better. Right now, the big frustrations are the pain, blood pressure spikes, loss of hair (not sure what that's from but my hair has been thinning and falling out in places particular in my legs), bloody noses, easy bruising, etc. I'm sure I'm coping as any person in this situation would- some days I'm angry at the world and let my frustrations get to me. Other days, I cope fairly well realizing that I'm lucky to be where I am and to have the kind of people in my life that I do. One of the skills I acquired over time is pretending like everything is fine even when I'm in worlds of pain. While this can be a great tool sometimes, I sometimes let it get to me and then get this false sense of security that everything is fine when it clearly isn't. I will be happier than anything when this is all said and done.