Seeing as I usually post the medical facts and not much more, I decided I'd explain how things are going. To get these out of the way, I'll go into the less-than-great aspects of this journey. Recently, my nausea has been pretty awful so on top of taking anti-nausea medications every day, I still have a difficult time getting myself to eat. Therefore, my weight has been tumbling off and at this point, I'm below what I weighed in High School (however, that's better than before where I gained a lot of weight). Also, because my muscles have shrunk considerably, I exacerbated an old knee injury and now am walking on a knee full of shredded cartilage and other stuff. Furthermore, my energy levels are extremely low and make it difficult to do everything I need to in a day. Finally, my blood pressure surges over the past few years have been damaging my heart to the point that my heart is enlarged and weaker than before.
However, those who know me know I'm not a negative person and I have found ways the past few years to find the good in all of this. While I know I can't control the wildly fluctuating blood pressure, I can help my cardiac function by keeping a VERY STRICT low sodium and low fat diet. That means I've been staying away from red meat, butter, cheese, milk, bread, etc. I have found that this diet has been helping me to feel a little more energetic. I have tried to attend classes as much as possible this semester and keep up with my school work along with teaching at Edgewood High School (go mustangs!) and teaching at the religious school. I have been able to do these things with some regularity except for the days that I feel worse than usual. And, I have a great group of friends, supportive family, and Arie who have all stuck by me through the countless tests, procedures, surgeries, treatments, etc.
People keep asking me how I am and I'm not sure how to answer that question. I feel like when I tell them I'm doing well, they take that to mean that I feel well, which is not true. Truthfully, I haven't gone a day without pain, nausea, fatigue, etc., in years and have trouble remembering what those feel like. However, I'm doing well IN SPITE of all of this. I'm finding things to do that make me happy, I'm teaching, and I'm spending time with family and friends.
I taught a lesson last week on optimism and one of my students had a great response to what true optimism is. She said that optimism isn't impressive or completely real when everything is going well in your life. Impressive optimism is being able to see the good in things in spite of all of the negative in your life. In my opinion, optimism is vital to making it through any illness and I refuse to let mine go so I guess I'm doing pretty well.
1 comment:
Shawn, one of the things that you continuously teach me is that optimism and a good attitude is so important. While noone has a life free of pain, sadness or pressure, it is how we cope with these negatives that defines our worldview. You have been a great role model to remember that, in spite of everything we have going on, we all have blessings to focus on and to appreciate. And, for me, one of my greatest blessings is my relationship with you!
You have been burdened with some serious challenges in your young life, but please know how you inspire so many, both near and far. You are such a fine young man, and you will continue to make the world a much better place for all of the contributions you deliver.
Please know you are always in our hearts and prayers, and that we are sending you copious amounts of positive energy to assist in your formidable battles. We have NO DOUBT that, due to your strong will and positive attitude, you will emerge victorious and stronger than ever.
We love you, man!
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